Faith in Collision

by Sean Samuel

They don’t tell you that deconstruction isn’t just an internal thing.
It leaks.
Into family dinners. Into church greetings. Into every casual conversation that suddenly feels like a test.

I used to nod along, smile, repeat the words, recite the verses — because that’s what you do. That’s how faith is supposed to look. Safe. Predictable. Recognizable.

Then I started questioning.
Not for the sake of rebellion, but because something inside me refused to be quiet anymore.

The first time I spoke up, it felt like standing in the middle of a hurricane. A friend asked about prayer. I told them I’d been exploring meditation. Silence. Then a laugh that didn’t reach their eyes. A sharp look that said, “You’re treading dangerous waters.”

It stung. But it also felt… freeing.

Faith in collision isn’t about winning arguments.
It’s about realizing that truth isn’t always in agreement with tradition. And peace isn’t always in approval.

I’ve had to hold space for the discomfort of others while also holding space for myself.
I’ve had to accept that some doors may close — friendships, routines, expectations — and that’s okay. Because the doors that open? They’re real. They’re aligned with me, not just the version of me that’s trying to fit in.

This journey is messy, and I won’t sugarcoat it.
But every clash, every awkward silence, every raised eyebrow is a reminder: I’m choosing presence over performance. Awareness over ritual. Growth over comfort.

Faith in collision hurts.
Faith in collision teaches.
Faith in collision frees.

If you’ve ever felt the tension between who you were taught to be and who you’re becoming — you’re not alone. And maybe, just maybe, that friction is the spark that leads you to the peace you’ve been searching for all along.