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The Church in My Chest
by Sean Samuel I used to think the church was a building.A place you go to meet God.Now I know — He lives closer than that. These days, my altar is a quiet morning. My worship is breathing deeply. My sermon is whatever life is teaching me that day. I don’t need a choir to feel His presence; my heartbeat keeps time just fine. See, when you deconstruct, you don’t lose church — you become…
The Fear of Letting Go
by Sean Samuel Nobody tells you that freedom can be terrifying.You spend years being told what to believe, what to pray, what to expect from God — and then one day, you realize half of it doesn’t sit right anymore. But even when truth whispers, fear shouts louder.“What if I’m wrong?”“What if God is angry?”“What if I lose everyone I love?” That’s the voice that kept me in the pew long after my spirit wanted…
Becoming My Own Sanctuary
by Sean Samuel When you start walking away from what you once believed, you lose more than religion — you lose your rhythm. Church used to have structure.There were hymns, greetings, sermons, and smiles that sometimes felt more like masks than mirrors.Now, the times I used to be in church are quiet. No pews. No pastor. Just me, my thoughts, and the sound of birds doing what they were made to do — sing without…
The God Within
by Sean Samuel For a long time, I thought God lived somewhere out there.In the clouds. In the church building. In the voice of a preacher who sounded more confident than I ever felt. I was taught to search for Him like a lost key — something to be found only after enough prayers, enough good behavior, enough trying. But lately, I’ve started to wonder if God was never missing — maybe we were just…
Faith in Collision
by Sean Samuel They don’t tell you that deconstruction isn’t just an internal thing.It leaks.Into family dinners. Into church greetings. Into every casual conversation that suddenly feels like a test. I used to nod along, smile, repeat the words, recite the verses — because that’s what you do. That’s how faith is supposed to look. Safe. Predictable. Recognizable. Then I started questioning.Not for the sake of rebellion, but because something inside me refused to be…
When Silence Gets Loud
by Sean Samuel The first thing they don’t tell you about finding peace is that it’s not quiet at all.Not at first. When I stopped praying the old way, I thought the silence would bring comfort. But instead, it brought noise — the kind you can’t hear with your ears but feel in your chest.The questions.The guilt.The echo of every sermon, every “Amen,” every fear that maybe I’d gone too far this time. It’s strange…
I Stopped Trying to Get God’s Attention — And Finally Found Peace
by Sean Samuel For most of my life, I prayed like God was hard of hearing.Morning, night, and in between, I begged Heaven to notice me — to fix what was broken, to bless what I couldn’t manage, to answer questions I didn’t even know how to ask. I thought the louder I prayed, the holier I was. But then came the silence. The kind that humbles you. The kind that feels like the whole…